It’s so discriminating when all you want to do is play a round of golf with some celebrity or white supremacist and something minor, such as the funerals of the latest teenage shooting victims, interferes.
And then there are those annoying and persistent rumors about being in bed with the Russians, as well as several strippers, which means Melania is still not talking to me, in spite of the new gun I bought her as an apology. Best put the parenting controls back on the internet, or before I know it, she’ll be bleating on #metoo. I wonder how Bill handled this type of situation. I can’t even moan on Twitter these days, without some official rapping my knuckles. And they call this privilege.
Seriously, how’s a working-class man supposed to unwind from his responsibilities? When’s a man to find time to perfect his swing and complete his Seven Kingdoms empire, with so many minor presidential chores to deal with? Gay marriage, equal pay – what’s the world coming to? Before we know it, women will expect control of their own bodies.
Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous? Imagine the reality of that – no baby Trumps to go out and fuck up the world over.
It’s not like this was ever meant to happen. My campaign was only a ruse to make sure that Ugly-Dyke-Clinton, didn’t get in, and perhaps, to meet the challenge thrown out by that n…, Mr Goody-Two-Shoes, I’ve-Got-A-HotAF-Wife-And-I’m-Black. No wonder Osama got into power with all the voting power he let into the country.
We can’t let that happen again. A black president – what was the country thinking? Anyway, I miss those blackface parties. Soon we’ll be taken over. They’ll be climbing that wall like the wildlings and White Walkers – although obviously, we’ll have to call them Black Walkers – ha-ha. Are Mexicans even black? Which reminds me, I may have to cancel my lunch at the gun club to check on the wall’s height again – these immigrants can’t measure a darn thing.
So much to do, so little time to play golf.
Note to self: Book an early tee-time tomorrow, before the paps get up, and read the fake news first. Check that no recent disasters (for which you have been held accountable – boring), need attending to, and to be safe, anesthetize your tongue.