No one warned us about “adulting”, did they? When I used to come home from uni to find Post-Its stuck around the house with messages in capitals like ‘put your shoes away’ or ‘put the lid on the toothpaste’, I thought my dad was anal – or just old – and that when he wasn’t wasting what might be his last few breaths nagging me, he was having a high old time “adulting” – doing exactly what he wanted, when he wanted and with whom he wanted.
I never realized until I left home that there were special clauses attached to the perks of being able to eat what you want and go to bed when you want, such as “responsibility,” “commitment” and *spitting* “conformity”.
We’ve been luckier than most with NC to parent us, but I extend my sympathies to those other “immature as shit” parents that don’t have the luxury of a child who is twenty-three going on fifty when the demands of being an adult are foisted upon them. While many of my gripes about “adulting” correlate rather interestingly to the sacrifices of parenting – you have to agree, that there was definitely some parent-led conspiracy to ensure we made it to adulthood for payback, at the very least.
Here are my fifteen of my biggest peeves:
- Giving up your dreams. I’m still smarting about being led to believe I could become a fairy, and no-one told me that being Santa or a musician wouldn’t cover the rent.
- Having to give up that last cube of chocolate or hot chip – worse, that last drop of wine or piece of cheese – because it’s the right thing to do.
- The culmination of nos 1 + 2 = Being a role model.
- Having to act like all grown up at parent nights and uni tours.
- Having to think about what you CAN eat rather than what you WANT to eat once the concept of mortality kicks in. I miss you bacon.
- Having to do housework, not because you a) like it or b) are good at it, as the old man suspects, but because if you don’t do it you will be blamed for the massacre of your entire family when they die of some horrible disease caused by the bacteria squatting in your bench top.
- Brown-nosing at work – anyone hear the term “office politics” when you had the ‘follow your dreams’ talk’ with your parents? Thought not. No one warned you about many paid hours you’d spend biting your lip, hiding in the toilets inscribing the name of the person you hated the most into the cubicle door and watching your back in the photocopying room.
- Having to drink responsibly – the Urban Dictionary’s definition: ‘Realizing that just because you CAN drink doesn’t necessarily make it a good idea.’
- Being the responsible driver – FML.
- Requiring sleep to function like a rational human being.
- Being the nominated lifesaver – apparently, this means that rather than throwing your kid to the shark to save your life, you are expected to offer up your own.
- Money management. Who knew how much easier it is to spend than to save?
- Accountability – being made to feel bad even when you’re trying your best.
- Responsibility for the Internet – the knowledge that the mental health of your family rests on the flashing green light on your modem.
- Role modeling – or did I mention that already?
Anything to add?