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The good news, which I know all my fellow hypochondriacs will totes understand, is that the facial affliction that I described here, (and which I know you’ve all been having sleepless nights over), is in fact chronic. Not in the sense of being terminal, I must add, but fugly and serious enough to warrant treatment in the form of a super-expensive steroid cream and a change to my diet.

It’s a common misconception that hypochondriacs spend their lives at the doctors, because although I do worry on a minute-by-minute basis that I’m dying of some horrible illness that has either not yet been diagnosed by doctors or discovered by scientists, at the same time, I don’t really want it to be confirmed. Which is why I rarely visit the medical centre, and when I do, I am armed with an extensive list of every symptom (along with Dr Google’s interpretation) that I’ve been worrying about in between visits.

Rosacea

Rosacea (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So the facial lurgy on my face that I described to you a few weeks ago, didn’t disappear on its own like I had bravely convinced myself it would, but instead got even fuglier. That was in spite of changing my beauty routine from my usual quick dab of cheap-as-chips cleanser in the morning to a toxin-free cleanser, day and night. And although the Clinique foundation concealed the red rash during the daytime, I really ‘can’t be fucked’ at this stage in my life to wear make up all the time.

So something had to be done.

Reluctantly I went to the doc with that month’s quota of pre-cancerous symptoms, make-up free, and the first thing he asked me was, ‘and how’s the Rosacea?’, at which point I admit that I nearly passed out.

‘The…what?’ I asked shakily, terrified he had discerned something truly awful about my health that I didn’t yet know.

He pointed to my face.

Anyway, long story short, (and as my luck goes, it seems), I now have this highly unattractive, chronic facial problem that is NOT CAUSED, I repeat NOT CAUSED, by alcohol and coffee, but exacerbated by it, unfortunately; as well as by menopause, hormones, anxiety, stress and the whole shebang of bloody awful stuff that haunts us in middle age.

Rosacea or acne rosacea is a type of skin inflammation that affects the face. Symptoms include facial redness, flushing and non-tender pustules. In men, the nose can become reddened and enlarged (rhinophyma). The cause of rosacea is unknown. Unlike acne, rosacea does not scar. Treatment options include tablets, creams, and avoidance of known triggers such as alcohol.

The doc recommended I give up alcohol (*snort*), coffee, spicy foods and sun to try and manage it.

Any point in living, I hear you ask? Absolutely none.

So I’ve made a valiant attempt to cut down on my beloved daily coffees over the past few days, and surprisingly, tea has become strangely alluring once again.

Note to self: One of the main signs of middle age is when you enjoy visits to T2.

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