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English: Gollum sculpture at Wax Museum in Mex...

Sometimes God smiles down on us.

 

Sometimes, during this life sentence they call parenting, we parents are given a tantalizing reprieve – a few precious moments to exact some revenge on our little monsters.

 

I love my children and I certainly don’t begrudge them the interminable sacrifices I have been forced to make over the last twenty years.

 

But…sometimes you need something to ease the pain.

 

In so far as offspring go, NC is a pretty good child these days and I am not one to bear grudges, but there are still times from our murky past together that I deeply resent.

 

Well, finally, last weekend, NC gave something back. She gave me the biggest belly-laugh at her expense that I’ve had in a while.

 

NC is the second little princess (after the dog) in our family. She is a girl who likes her comforts. This is the girl we had to book a hotel for when she was backpacking around Thailand because she had a tummy bug and apparently the hostel was just ‘too gross’ to stay in.

 

Those of you who live in Sydney might remember that last weekend was one of the coldest on record for Spring.

 

And poor NC had to go on a geology excursion to Orange. To be honest, I don’t even know where the fuck Orange is – all I know is that it’s somewhere in REALLYCOLDSVILLE.

 

Not only that, but she had to endure a six hour coach journey with a bunch of students she had never spoken to before, (because all her interesting/nerdy (note: oxymoron) friends did the more glamorous NZ trip while she was living it up in 4 star hotels in Thailand), and stay in a hostel with aforementioned no-hopers (poor love), with no heating and bunk beds – yes, I did just say BUNK BEDS – and then analyse rocks all day.

 

If there were a face to depict abject misery, they would have used NC’s for the brand.

 

Prior to her departure she made her displeasure known around the house in typical teenage style. She mooched around the house, slamming doors intermittently, until she eventually lost the ability to speak as she stoically collated as many jumpers as she could physically carry in her tiny rucksack (as NB would not be at her command as her caddie).

 

She then prepared herself for the war ahead. Unlike Mel Gibson in Braveheart, when NC prepares for battle, she is more a wan version of Joan of Arc as she strips herself bare of all makeup to show you just how fucking miserable she is her natural strength.

 

Imagine an image of Gollum from LOTR and you’ll get the picture.

 

As I hugged her hard before her departure to 24hrs of a fate worse than a full body wax, I tried to ignore the muffled sobs and feign some motherly empathy.

 

But I just couldn’t do it.

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