I’m beginning to think I should rename my blog My Midlife Misery.
Anyway, a few weeks ago another blogger wrote a list of things he’d put in Room 101, so I decided that it might be therapeutic for me to do the same.
That’ll be easy for me, I thought, but actually – because I’m an Olympic moaner – I’ve found the process quite hard to narrow down ALL my gripes to only certain key areas of What The Fuckery.
So here is my ever-increasing list of things that REALLY PISS ME OFF RIGHT NOW… like, this week:
- Men who still fight equality – Ok, so they can carry on taking the bins out and opening doors if they have to, but that’s it!
2. Men who have convinced themselves for personal motives that women don’t like sex over the age of forty, as an excuse for ‘quickies’. Foreplay is an equal right of both men and women.
3. Those annoying fucking boxes you have to fill in with letters and numbers and shit (that you can’t read) to get around the computer, that say ‘prove you’re not a robot’.
4. Non-swimmers and water-walkers that dare to float in the fast and medium lanes in public swimming pools. Shoot them!
5. Excesses on insurance policies – So I shell out a fuck of a lot of money on insurance every year for my car and then I have a tiny prang and have to pay out almost a year’s insurance to get it repaired!
6. When your husband says ‘I was joking’ to get out of saying something really mean, just because he’s scared.
7. Excessive Packaging – so the council wants us to recycle as much as we can and then they provide us with Borrower-sized bins.
8. Women’s sizing. Someone please explain to me how I am now a ‘large’ in a lot of brands when I am a size 12, and the average women is a size 16?
9. Can you also explain when exactly the ‘ripe’ window for pears and avocados is?
10. Long-sightedness – have you tried checking up on your teenagers via their phones and social media pages when you’re as blind as a bat?
11. Sanitary Pads with wings – over-complicated and the ultimate pubic torture chamber.
12. Little kids who make high-pitched squealing noises for no particular reason in public, who you have to pretend to like if they belong to friends.
13. Chris Hemsworth’s wife – yes, that was just an excuse to add a totally gratuitous photo of Chris Hemsworth.
14. The word ‘like’ littering every sentence that comes out of the mouths of the teenagers you have sacrificed years of your life trying to educate.
15. Shopping trollies that require coinage – gold coinage has a shorter lifespan than a Mayfly in my house.
16. Pinterest – because it destroys what little social life you pretend to have.
17. Housework – can anyone still be fucked? It’s not like we care what our friends think anymore.
18. The fact that drinking is not only bad for you now, but you can’t tolerate vast quantities of it anymore either.
19. Fear of dying.
20. Periods that are as heavy as fuck. And their point now, is exactly…?
21. Men who excuse any legitimate aberration on menstruation or menopause.
22. Upgrades on any type of technology. Do I look like I have a degree in IT?
23. Fattening foods misrepresented as ‘low fat’ but high in sugar.
24. Receiving a text when you haven’t got your glasses on.
25. Being ‘invisible’ when you’re out with your genetically superior daughter.
What can I say? School holidays do this to me!