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A toilet being used by a woman in California. ...

A toilet being used by a woman in California. This photo was taken on August 31, 2008 in Charleston Terrace, Palo Alto, CA, US, using a Nikon Coolpix S51. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Any other women out there feel as f*cking irritated about the inequality in public toilets as I do?

 

I thought you might.

 

I think it’s actually time for us to fight for the right to equality in public conveniences. We need to protest for what should rightfully be ours.

 

Below are just some of the daily peeing issues women have to cope with if they need to ‘go’ away from home:

 

  1. There are not enough public toilets available for women.
  2. The lack thereof creates a time constraint issue on what is already a problem of supply not meeting demand. (And we all know what happens when we are put under pressure to wee.) Women are biologically different to men and can’t physically share one long piss-pot publicly. Women have to undress from the waist down, which adds a major time penalty to the weeing function.
  3. Certain women spend longer than necessary in the available toilets.

Allow me to elaborate:

 

1. Why It Is Frustrating Not Having Enough Toilets – There can’t be a woman on this planet who hasn’t been affected by the shortage of women’s public toilet facilities sometime…. this week.

 

This problem is becoming a serious Health and Safety issue.

 

Here’s why. These are just a few examples of the long-term emotional and physical scarring that this shortage causes for women:

 

  • Enforced ‘drying out’ from alcohol at special events, because we invariably have to miss valuable pre-drinking time in the bar in order to queue for the toilets.
  • Emotional distress caused by missing the climax of aforementioned events in order to leg it to the bathroom before the rest of the masses (and the queues forming) in preparation for the long journey home.
  • Physical bladder pain associated with having to condition it to go when it can rather than when it needs to. Ie coordinating Mother Nature with the availability of facilities.
  • Urinary tract damage as a result of intense crossing of legs for long periods, firm tensing of buttocks (when forced to ‘hold on’), and squeezing of pelvic floor, (if locatable), to maximum effect – to prevent premature leakage.
  • Anxiety due to fear of pissing publicly on the floor.

Toileting’ is just so much easier for men.

 

We’d all love to be able to just flop it out, take a leak and give it a shake? Women, however, have a much more sophisticated and delicate physiology than men and being able to just ‘go anywhere’, (unless there’s a tree or bush handy), is much more problematic.

 

2. Why Women Need More Toilets Than Men. The toileting experience for women encompasses so much more. Women do not simply empty their bowels in the bathroom. They need to wipe, generously; they have to deal with menstruation, small children and skinny jeans (as well as other poorly designed pieces of wardrobe that always seem to malfunction in a tight cubicle); they need to preen and groom.

 

Once out of the cubicle, they might have to wash children’s hands, apply lippy and scrunch/dry hair under the hand dryer. These responsibilities take time and can create a jam, thwarting progress down the queue, causing what is commonly referred to as a ‘loo-jam’.

 

3. Why Some Women Are The Culprits – There are, unfortunately, some women who even abuse an obviously struggling system.

 

You know who you are.

 

A thirty-second limit for a tinkle and up to a couple of minutes for anything bigger is adequate.

 

So WTF! are those women doing who spend hours in the cubicle? There’s no entertainment, no distractions and no mirror – so what can possibly take so long?

 

(Unless they’re texting……..(growls)

 

The solution is simple: put automatic doors on the cubicles, with timers.

 

And while I’m on my soapbox:

 

Look, I understand that some women need to layer the seat with toilet paper for hygiene/religious reasons, but please CLEAR IT UP afterwards.

 

FLUSH THE F*CKING CHAIN!

 

DON’T WEE ON THE FLOOR! – once in situe, we women have a much better in-built aiming system than men, so please use it.

 

(Disclaimer: No bladders were hurt in the writing of this piece).

Any name suggestions for our campaign?

 

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