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I’m letting you in on a couple of culinary secrets of mine this Easter.

These two recipes are better than sex, and almost as good as shopping. So if you’re married and not getting any, or single and still not getting any, whip up either (or both) of these cakes and you’ll be sated.

These cakes are death by chocolate  –  close your eyes and imagine Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall, Daniel day Lewis in The Last Of The Mohicans, Bradley Cooper in Silver Linings Playbook, George Clooney in ER and you’ll be halfway towards the ecstasy created by these two truly orgasmic cake experiences.

With less than five ingredients per cake, these cakes are quick and easier to create than Vegemite on toast. Even I can make them, and I usually need an Idiot’s Guide to cook. (Remember my Lasagne Soup, and the inedible Asian Salad).

First up, I bring you my Flourless Chocolate Cake

Flourless Chocolate Cake

Ingredients:

200g dark chocolate

6 eggs (separated)

1 cup Caster sugar

200g butter

What to do:

Preheat oven to 180C.

Line the base of a large 26cm springform pan (no idea what this is, so I just use a ceramic dish). Melt the broken pieces of chocolate and butter in a glass bowl and melt over boiling water. Stir gently. Beat the egg yolks in a separate bowl with the sugar and then add to the melted chocolate. Beat the egg whites to stiff peak stage and fold into the chocolate mixture. Pour mixture into lined dish and bake for approximately 45mins. This cake will fall dramatically back down when cooling and crack as above (something to do with no flour I guess). Ok, so it might be one of the ugliest cakes you’ve ever seen but it is f*cking good. Dust with cocoa powder. Stuff your face.

Secondly I bring you Chocolate Refrigerator Cake.

Chocolate Refrigerator Cake

Ingredients:

450g Chocolate (plain, milk or combo)

100g butter or margarine

225g chocolate digestive biscuits (broken into small pieces)

What to do:

Line and grease a square cake tin (18cm). Break chocolate into small pieces and place in basin with butter over a saucepan of hot water. Heat gently until melted. Break up biscuits. Mix chocolate and biscuits together and leave to cool. When cool, mark out twelve equal squares, (trust me, it’s a bugger to cut once refrigerated), and put in the fridge for an hour. Cut into squares and gorge and gorge and gorge…..

Admittedly, my presentation my photos don’t do justice to these cakes, but it’s what’s on the inside, ladies, isn’t it?

Below are some of the health reasons why you should all be stuffing your face on chocolate over the Easter holiday:

Apparently, a brain-active chemical called phenylethylamine in cocoa stimulates the same reaction that we experience when we’re falling in love.

One analysis of 850 mainly healthy participants found that flavanol-rich chocolate and cocoa products had a small but statistically significant effect in lowering blood pressure in the short term.

Research at Cambridge University found that people consuming the most chocolate had a 37% lower risk of heart disease and a 29% lower risk of stroke than those who consumed less chocolate.

The sweeter, less cocoa-rich bars, as a dairy-rich food help us keep our bones strong.

Spanish researchers studying rodents that were fed a diet containing 12% cocoa, found that it protected against the development of colon cancer.

(Mirror Online – Angela Dowden)

According to Louisa Simmonds, Chief Taster of Chocolate at The Lindt Virtual Chocolate Factory, ‘chocolate is the only addictive drug with the power to make the world seem f*cking fantastic without any detrimental mental side-effects.’

So celebrate chocolate this Easter, but don’t forget the true message of Easter….which is obviously beating last year’s record of how many cream eggs you can get down you in 24 hours.

Eat your heart out, Nigella.

“I never met a chocolate I didn’t like.” – Deanna Troi, Star Trek: The Next Generation

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