How relationships work is an interesting question.
So what secret ingredient continues to bind marriages together during middle-age, once the interest and lust of the early days has become tarnished by the pressures of real life?
It’s not surprising that the divorce rate increases annually, and I don’t think it’s a ‘modern’ problem necessarily. Couples simply had less choices in the past. With women often not working and being forced to be dependent upon their spouses, men and women had to stick their marriages out, no matter how stale their relationship.
These days, we hear a lot more about the increasing divorce rate and a lot less about the marriages that do stand the test of time.
Some couples do actually manage to stay in love, in spite of the pressures of modern- day life.
My parents divorced when I was very young and so I approached my marriage with a realistic attitude. I would fight for my marriage but if it struggled and I couldn’t mend it, I would walk away. Having also lost a parent at a young age, I have always had a ‘life’s too short to be miserable’ attitude.
And like most marriages, I would be lying if I didn’t admit to ups and downs in our marriage. Marriage can be fucking dire at times. As people, we continue to grow and evolve over time. We change in so many ways and that glue that originally bound us together in our twenties can lose its firm grip as our situations change with time, and as we are exposed to more and more responsibility. Those pressures have a share in changing us, (hopefully for the better), but not necessarily in tandem with our partners.
‘We just wanted different things,’ is a comment I hear a lot.
There have been times in our marriage when I have wanted to torture the old man like Theon in Game of Thrones was tortured, and I am equally certain that he has been tempted to walk away on several occasions.
Maybe we’re just stoic, maybe we are both fearful of change – but might it be that old devil called love?
This blog is typically a humorous rant about facing the many changes in life during middle-age, when physical changes also come into play and fuck around with our minds and body at the same time. Add teenagers into the mix and the bonds that once tied a marriage together can be stretched to their limits.
This blog is my therapy – I’m a natural moaner and anxious by nature. Like a lot of bloggers, by verbalising my fears, I often find a salvation from the day to day frustrations of family life.
I also just enjoy moaning.
Some people eat chocolate and drink wine to cope with pressure; I moan, eat chocolate and drink vats of wine to cope.
But guess what? A week or so ago, the stars suddenly aligned and I found myself unexpectedly in a really good place. Happy. I suddenly felt great and I needed to go forth and spread the word; I needed to share my, (dare I call it) ‘happiness’, with the old man to see if he felt the same way.
This is how that conversation went, (admittedly, over a glass or three of wine):
Me: ‘I think things are going pretty well at the moment. I mean, Kurt seems finally happy at school and for the time-being his depression seems under control; NC has found someone to discuss ‘rocks’ with, we all seem to have settled into Gotham City, and even you are exercising and seem to have a better approach to life.
(Gushing now) Isn’t it amazing how the pieces of a puzzle can finally come together? I’m enjoying my new job and I love the virtual connections I have online via my blog – I’m even writing my book again. The move to Gotham has given us so much more in terms of things to do as a family – even the Princess has claimed her territory.
LIFE FEELS REALLY GOOD.’
The old Man (deadpan): ‘I’m leaving you.’
(In case you’re worried, he’s still here).
‘Humour’ has always been the key to our relationship. What’s yours?
- Is Marriage Obsolete? (everydayhealth.com)